If the Nets were a jilted ex-girlfriend, and Jason Kidd were the jilter, then
tonight's game in Dallas was the party of the mutual friend where the former lovers were to be forced to share a social setting for an evening. Here's how it went:
In the days leading up to tonight, she reassured everyone that it was absolutely fine,
she was absolutely fine.... Because they're both adults, right? And there's no reason two mature adults can't be in the same room. You know, even though he did break her heart dumping her for that skank. But whatever. It'll be totally cool, no need to worry. Even if he is being all passive aggressive and acting like a cockbag talking about things that are clearly
not based in reality with their mutual friends. But whatever. It'll be fine.
She showed up looking hot. I mean, like,
smoking hot. She pulled out all the stops with tonight's outfit and she knows she's looking fine. Not that she wanted him to miss her or anything...she's
totally fine without him. She just wanted him to remember what it was he lost. That's all. She's totally fine.
She pretended for the first hour or so to not notice him across the bar, while she surreptitiously (or not-so-surreptitiously, if you ask anyone else) scoped out his new chick. She reassured herself that New Girlfriend is soooooooooo not even that cute. Her friends did their part too- "You are so much cuter than she is." Oh, are they here? She hadn't even noticed! Whatever. Where the hell is the bartender?
The bottom fell out really quickly as she lost her composure by the end of her second drink. She started to visibly unravel. Her friends tried in vain to reassure her- "He's only
acting like he's happy with her...but even if he is right now, that's not going to last....he was
so much better with you. He
totally knows that, he just hasn't...realized it yet. And you are SO much cuter than her!"
And you know how things like botched dunks and airballed free throws tend to pile up, sort of like Long Island iced teas will do? Well, she lost count of how many of
those she drank by the halfway point of her evening.
And 3/4 of the way through the night, she was crying in the ladies room. Of course.
She spent the last hour or so of her night gearing up to walk past her ex and his new lady friend...in her head, she was going to be so cool about it. She was going to be an ice cube. It was pretty clear to everyone in the immediate vicinity though that this was an impossibility, what with the mascara smeared down her face and the distinctive odor of tequila about her. But gosh darn it, no one had the heart to tell her, since she spent a freaking hour mustering up the courage to, you know, walk past someone.
At the end of the night she, in her head, walked proudly and sexily past her ex and his girl and out the door. In reality, she stumbled unsteadily
into the door. The new girlfriend was completely unable to hide her smug smile. No one could blame her.
She only made it a block or so before having to stop and puke on the sidewalk. A couple homeless guys openly mocked her.
She very nearly made it home without further incident until she decided she had to stop at the pizza place across the street from her apartment, because fuck her diet, that's why.... After all, she's fat and disgusting and no one's ever going to want to see her naked again anyway, so who even cares? She wolfed down the pizza before she even made it through her front door. She then promptly passed out fully clothed and reeking slightly of vomit on top of her bed, hanging halfway off of it with her head near a trash can.
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Ahhhh...yeah, so I guess it's a bit of a rebuild for these Nets....
HT on the picture of "Vince in drag" to Arsenalist...I have no idea where they got it or the context in which it was taken, but it is awesome.
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Continuing the analogy from the previous post, last night's game against the Rockets = the Nets getting completely shitfaced and going home with some scumbag frat boy who pops his collar and uses the word "wicked" as a modifier in every other sentence. Also, he has a girlfriend, and probably some sort of venereal disease.
Yes, it was that gross.
Checking in on the NBA Girlfriend Forum, as I sometimes do (inexplicably, K-Mart's page is always hopping, and occasionally informative), I noticed that Devin's page is riddled with messages about how sad all the fans in Dallas are that he's gone. No one has anything bad to say about him, and if you check out some of the other pages, which I am not in any way recommending, you'll see that is not the norm on these things...eek. Anyway, although the honeymoon period ended after, ohhhhh, one game, I still feel pretty good about the Devin Harris era in NJ.
However, I did come across this picture:
Is that...why, yes, I do believe it is an apple martini. What's up with that, Dev? Holler at me, I'll get you some scotch or something, get you into some manly drinking.
(I'm joking, I judge no one by their drink choices. I drink vodka and Diet Coke for chrissakes. My dad has been known to drink cosmos. He's been openly mocked for that by no less than a rabbi.)
As for the title of the post, getting that song stuck in your head for literally days at a time is a prime example of why you should never just plug your ipod into someone else's computer and transfer all the songs they have on there. (Also, Aaron Carter. My sister thinks he rocks hard, yo.) Anyway, in an effort to pass along the misery, I went looking for a music video and all I could find was this kid busting a move, and OMG HE IS DANCING ON THE WALL!!!!
OK, not really. Whatevs.
A couple good links from last week-
MCB breaks down the good fortunes of the Nets in recent memory. Key words there being "recent memory" of course. Also, selective memory. Because for each occurrence of "good" luck they've had, I can think of at least 1 instance of "questionable" to "bad" luck. And some of those examples of good fortune could easily be spun the other way (see: Mourning, Alonzo). But hey, I'm a cynic. I appreciate our friend's optimism, for sure.
Empty the Bench broke down the current state of the Nets in a manner that can only be described as "comprehensive." Pretty excellent stuff. Although, read the following and guess who it's about:
[His] game is pretty easy to figure out: shoot, shoot, and shoot some more, and when that fails go the hole, flail around, and hope to get the foul call.
Vince, right? That's how I always describe Vince.
But nope. That's describing RJ. Is RJ starting to mimic Vince's game in frustration? He got T'd up last night, showing how truly frustrated he is becoming. But I sincerely hope this trend doesn't continue. I disagree with ETB on the need to trade RJ. I think his game and his drive are valuable, and I think getting rid of Vince (who he openly dislikes playing with) would rejuvenate the enthusiastic and hard-driving game we know RJ can play.
Anyway, it's not a secret that Vince needs to go. It's unfortunate that he was signed to such a ridiculous and unmoveable contract because he's a good guy. I appreciate the effort of NJN management to keep the "good off-the-court character guys" around, but you should never let that compromise your on-the-court product. I can't shake the feeling that's sort of what happened here.
Speaking of Vince's good "off-the-court" ways...well, say what you want about him and the way he left Toronto, but that organization was fucked up when he left it. There was blame to go to both sides. And he's never trash talked the city or the organization since he left. You can't say the same about Kidd. Hopefully he's finally done running his mouth after that round of interviews, but I guess he'll always be full of shit. Too bad.
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This has been your Mark Jackson/Ian Eagle Gum Chewing Contest Follow-Up Video update.
I have a girlfriend. I’ve had a girlfriend for five years and she’s really great. That’s the first time I’ve heard about that. I never heard about that and I’m really surprised. I think it’s not really true. I need to look on the internet and make sure. What can I say? I have a girlfriend; I’m not married but I’m living with my girlfriend. I don’t know if that’s true. I’m going to ask Ian Eagle about that; maybe he just made up that story.
This has been your Nenad as Serbia's 3rd Most Eligible Bachelor update.
"We were on the wrong side of the Hudson," Kidd lamented to a few New York writers late Monday night in an empty Maverick locker room after he torched the Knicks again.
This has been your Jason Kidd Really Needs to Shut the Fuck Up update.
One further note- I recently noticed that even for away games, League Pass was showing the YES Network's broadcasts for Nets games. I'm about 90% certain League Pass usually shows the home team's broadcast for any given game. Can anyone give me any input on that? Because I wrote into the NBA's Fan Center thing or whatever, where members can submit questions about whatever, and asked them about it. And I got no response. But then I got the fucking Houston broadcast the other night. It seemed pretty coincidental, but who knows. I'm just curious if anyone out there knows how the whole League Pass/local broadcast deal is set up. Click that little "Contact" button on the top right of the page and holler at a Becky if you have any insight for me.
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