by Ben on November 2 at 11:00PM
What better time to bang out this week's edition of the Gig List than following a tough Knicks loss. Overall, the Knicks looked good against a fired up King James on the road. Zach Randolph and Eddy Curry prospered on the floor together, Nate Robinson looks much improved both offensively and defensively, D Lee has polished his offensive game a bit and Jamal Crawford continues to develop as both a scorer and passer. Many positives to take into the home opener Sunday against the artists formerly known as the 2006-07 Boston Celtics, the Minnesota T'Wolves. I am going to hold off assessing this Knicks team until the 5 game mark, at which point all GOY readers should be ready for some analytical fury!
Anyway, this has been a loaded sports week. The Red Sox championship has made their fans 45% (arbitrary number) more obnoxious and unbearable while Martina Hingis showed us that the 1986 Mets have nothing on her in the drug department. Guess she doesn't mind the all-white outfit requirement at Wimbledon eh! A lot of good giggin candidates this week, so lets get to it:
1. Scott Boras & A-Rod - Scott Boras chose the 8th inning of Sunday night's World Series game 4 to announce that A-Rod was opting out of his Yankee contract and would become a free agent. While critics claim that the timing for the announcement was classless and this was a blatant attempt to overshadow the game, Boras explained that it was the only time he had available to send out the email. "You have to understand, I am a busy man. Between all the high-profile athletes that I represent and the added shifts I had to take on tending the gates of hell in exchange for JD Drew's 70 million dollar contract, there was simply no other time I could have made the announcement." Boras went on to add that he has nothing but the utmost respect for the Red Sox organization and general manager Theo Epstein. "Theo has done a great job building the Red Sox roster. If it wasn't for his savvy desicion-making do you think I'd be talking to you from this lavish yacht, the SS Heist? I think not. Now if you'll excuse me I need to grab my pitchfork, the Prince of Darkness does not tolerate tardiness."
2. Curt Schilling - Not to be outdone, Curt Schilling super-blogger/genius/plus-size pinup model rediscovered the art of the handwritten letter this week, penning letters to each of his Red Sox teammates bidding them farewell. Fortunately, we found one of the letters Schilling wrote crumpled in the trash can behind Fenway Park and would like to share it exclusively with our loyal GOY readers. Addressed to staff ace Josh Beckett the letter read:
Dear Josh,
Your performance in this year's playoffs was awesome. However, you have a long way to go before you can be considered in the same class as me, the great Curt Schilling. Come talk to me when you pitch with a bloody sock or have a hair style that rivals my awesome spikes "ace."
Best Wishes,
Curt
PS - Don't even think about starting a blog because you are not as smart as me.
Interestingly, when asked about his letter from Schilling, Kevin Youklis had no idea what we were talking about. "Oh Kevin, he didnt receive a personal handwritten letter from me," Schilling said. "I found out the other day Kevin is a Jew and since his people killed my lord and savior Jesus Christ, I have nothing to say to him."
3. Andy Reid - Andy Reid's two sons Britt and Garrett Reid were sentenced to 23 month prison terms, resulting from a slew of drug and gun charges. Reid, regarded as one of the top coaches in the NFL as well as one of the curviest, made it clear today that he will stay on as the head coach of the Eagles despite his family turmoil. Adding insult to injury, Judge Steven O'Neill gave a damning description of the Reids calling their home a "drug emporium" and stating that they are a "family in crisis." Reid said that he is grateful for all of the support he is receiving from the NFL community. "Michael Irvin has reached out to us as have Ricky Williams and Bam Morris. The funny thing is, they each asked for Britt and Garrett's cell phone numbers at the end of our conversations. I had to remind them that the boys are not allowed to have cell phones in jail." The Reid boys, raised on the mean streets of Montgomery county (an affluent suburb of Philadelphia) went as far as to proclaim they enjoyed "dealing drugs in the hood." Now it appears, they'll have to worry only about protecting their trunks.
4. Roy Williams - Taking time out from getting beat deep by WRs on the practice squad, Roy Williams responded to Donovan Mc Nabb's assertion that the Eagles are still the team to beat in the NFC east due to the fact they won the division last year and 5 times since 2000. Williams, whose Cowboys play the Eagles on Sunday in Philly where they have lost 7 of their last 8, responded with the following:
"Right now, they are in no position to talk about 'everything goes through Philly.' Some teams went to Philly and they beat them. No one is worried about 'You have to go through Philly. 'You have to go through Dallas, you have to go through Washington and you have to go through New York, too. Everybody feels they are the best. Right now, it's just about how you play ont he field, that proves you are the best."
After a reporter pointed out that all of the NFC East teams are aware they must play each other on the road this season and that his closing lines were a simple-minded cliche', the strong safety chased the reporter into the parking lot, dragging him down from behind by the collar of his sports blazer. Williams was penalized 15 yards for the tackle and the press conference was ended prematurely. The reporter (ACL) is out for the season.
5. Joe Torre - An unlikely candidate to be on the Gig List, Torre was nominated this week by Los Angeles Dodgers reliever Scott Proctor. Formerly of the Yankees, Torre used Proctor in 12 of 17 games earlier this year. The excessive workload would eventually send the reliever to the DL with a tired arm. He was traded to LA soon after in exchange for Wilson Betemit. Upon hearing of Torre's hiring as the new Dodgers skipper, Proctor legally changed his name to Chad Curtis in hopes of being thrown under the bus by Torre and traded. When that failed, Proctor sawed off his right arm in order to as he put it "quit delaying the inevitable."
Big Game Prediction: Pats 31 Colts 21
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