As I decompose at my desk on this beautiful Monday in Manhattan like a roided Rey Ordonez during the 2002 baseball season, I'd like to introduce a new feature to this blog of ours: The Gig List. For those of you not familiar with the concept of "gigging," it is a term that can be used to denote a state of superiority or ownership over another individual. Essentially, if I gigged on ya, at some point in time I OWNED you. My counterpart Becky will explain this phenomenon in detail later this week.
Now without further delay, I introduce the inaugural class of the gig list:
1. Richard Jefferson (or as he is known in the New Jersey gay community "RJ")
Becky has already broken the most important news story - the inexplicable engagement of RJ to a female. I dont know about you, but the first thing that came to mind when I heard about this was the superb ESPN series Playmakers. The show focuses on the culture of the locker room, personal lives of players/coaches and the fickle nature of management in professional football. During the series, it is revealed that the team's pro bowl tight end, Thad Guerwitcz is gay. To hide his homosexuality, Thad gets engaged to a smoking hot woman to alleviate any doubt about his sexual preference among his teammates. Now, I'm not saying RJ's gay or he will be exposed... im just telling you what came to mind when I heard the news.... the parallels are there... moving on...
2. The New York Mets
The Mets are struggling right now having lost 11 of their last 14 games. The Carloses have looked bad at the plate, failing to produce in RBI situations while Tom Glavine has had a few tough outings in a row. To make matters worse for Mets fans, this rough stretch has coincided with the Yankees righting the ship, winning 14 of 17 including 2 of 3 in the subway series this weekend.
Fortunately, the Mets remain in first and are slowly getting back their starters including Jose Valentin and Shawn Green with Lastings Milledge and Moises Alou on the horizon. Personally, I think the Mets will get back on track this week at home and go 4-2 in the upcoming 6 games versus Minnesota and Oakland. Meanwhile, the Yankees should continue to stay hot in interleague play, making it very tough to be a bandwagon New York baseball fan but easy for those who claim to "root for all New York teams."
3. Kobe Bryant
Kobe Bryant reiterated his trade demands and continues to tease downtrodden Knicks fans everywhere by including New York on a short list of teams he would waive his no-trade clause to play for. Look, Kobe isn't getting traded. Simply put, the Lakers couldn't get equal value for him in any trade and have no obligation to move him.
As such, here is my plea to you Kobe: Please stop making these demands. I don't need this sense of false hope in my life. It has already forced me do things I am not proud of such as read a Chris Sheridan blog or listen to an Isiah Thomas' interview on the Stephen A. Smith show. For the love of G-d, put us out of our misery with a cliched interview establishing your undying allegiance to the Lakers and end this fiasco. Now if you will excuse me I am going to destroy my ear drums with some jagged Cheez Doodles.
4. NFL Busts Past and Present
Kudos to BradyFan83 on YouTube for this brilliant song parody focusing on a myriad of NFL draft busts entitled Mr. Upside. Try to name all the busts pictured and pay close attention to the lyrics; they are hilarious. Here's to you Blair Thomas, you're finally getting the attention you deserve pal.
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ben-
I love it.
great post. great idea.
HOWEVA. I still don't understand why Mets fans care about the Yankees. to my knowledge, Yankees fans don't care about the Mets, unless they're playing each other.
at least the smart ones and not the loudmouth assholes that perpetuate the negative Yankee fan stereotpyes.
this is another discussion for another day, though.
SML-
I would love to hear this expounded upon, in all seriousness...can you hook a sister up with some bullet points?
You know I could care less about the Yankees. My focus is always on the Phillies and the Braves.
However, Yankee fans have been riding me ever since they started winning again and the Mets hit their tail spin... so something needed to be said...
Im liking the VC gay theory, please elaborate on this SML...
I don't believe any of the Nets are gay, and I can't believe this rumor is still alive. See here: http://deadspin.com/sports/nba/joumana-kidd-has-much-havoc-left-to-wreak-229586.php
I actually tipped Will off about this. I am convinced that Joumana Kidd started the rumor about a Net being gay to take down her husband's partying friends. I'll gladly guest blog about this if you'll let me.
mcbizzle-
see:
http://el-friends-du-nenad.blogspot.com/2007/01/road-to-hell-is-paved-with-unbought_17.html
you're in agreement with mi madre.
I, personally, enjoy playing the law of percentages- SOME of these guys have to be gay. 1 per team doesn't seem too unrealistic.
that said, send me something and if it sufficiently gigs on my theory, it shall be posted.
Yes, I might elaborate soon, probably in a larger post. I always wanted to ask some of those guys I played with if any of them watch the NBA, and, if so, what are their opinions. Certainly their "gaydar" is probably better than my own.
But the short version, as I summed up in my comment, is that Vince Carter always struck me as having similar game behaviors to some of these guys that I played with. That could be for a lot of reasons beyond them being homosexual, or it could be coincidental, but... like I said, if one of those three Nets players was gay, and I had to pick, no doubt it would be Carter, not RJ or J-Kidd. And I agree with Becky, the % says that there has to be more than a few gay men in the NBA.
But it's not good for your career or endorsements or street cred to be gay. So the rap industry has a few "closeted" (quotes because they are only closeted to their fans, not to those in the industry) rap artists, some of who have been the subject of the gay rumors for a long time. The NBA probably works the same, or so I imagine.
It's a tough thing to write, though. I certainly have to be careful, because I am not trying to offend a group of people by offering or establishing stereotypes of behavioral patterns. On the other hand, much like industry insiders can claim to spot Homo Thugs from a distance, and much like some gay men can recognize a gay men without even talking to him, it stands to reason that you could sense traits that gay basketball/volleyball players might share (VC was also a top volleyball player in high school, too).
I've shyed away from this topic for a while, and if I do write about it, I would preferably do so with some input from someone who is homosexual and at least somewhat knowledgable about the NBA....
It can't be VC, because he has a black wife and the tip said white models were his preference. It can't be RJ, because I don't think his very conservative parents (former missionaries!) and family would throw him under the bus like that. I have some other evidence too that it isn't RJ, that I'll get into some other time.
Sorry ya'll, but I would bet... alot... that Vince Carter is the gay Net, not RJ. Not because I hate Air Pussy (I don't), but because I've played ball (and lots of sports in general) with African-American gay men, and believe me... if a Net is gay, it's VC. Not saying its 100% definite, but I would say he's the favorite by a large margin, based on my experiences....