With the tanking, fabricated injuries and inane referee sub-plots that defined a truly crumby NBA regular season behind us, the playoffs are finally upon us. So as Billy Knight scouts yet another "athletic swingman" while educating himself about the up and coming position known as "point guard" and MJ bides his time before killing Bernie Bickerstaff followed by the Bobcats cap room, future and AM's funky spirit (not necessairily in that order), lets make some predictions!
East
Detroit in 4 - Will Orlando even average 80 points a game in this series? Maybe if Dwight howard can throw down 40 dunks a night...
Cleveland in 4 - With the Agent down, Lebron will have to find a new Wizard to mess with at the free throw line. Enter Deshawn Stevenson!
Toronto in 6 - The only thing Canada hates more than Vince Carter is an athlete with a bad attitude that quit on his team to force a trade for selfish reasons. So either Vince or Gary Sheffield.
Chicago in 6 - After coming close to knocking off the Heat last year, the young Bulls will take this series in 6. Immediately after game 6, Bulls GM John Paxson will place a phone call to Isiah Thomas expressing his gratitude for Zeke's integral role in building the current roster and invite him to be his guest of honor at the NBA draft lottery. They will then discuss the finer points of Isiah's childhood growing up on the southside of Chicago.
West
Houston in 6 - Tmac and Yao will push the Rockets by the Jazz in a well played series, sending Carlos Boozer home to start on his inevitable journey of becoming the next Proactiv solution spokeperson.
Suns in 5 - Lakers are a mess and the Suns should handle them easily, however the Mamba will go off in one game and keep the Lakers from being swept. Meanwhile, Phil Jackson will continue to be stoic on the sidelines and forget that just being stoic and zen-like isnt going to cut it when you only have 1 future hall of famer on your roster and not 2.
Spurs in 6 - Denver will steal 2 games at home but stands little chance of beating Duncan and company in San Antonio. Look for Duncan to be targeted by the refs this series as fall out from the Joey Crawford incident. Too bad Duncan didn't heed Melo's advice about not snitchin'... snitches are bitches Tim, remember that next time my man.
Warriors in 7 - That's right, since I dont think Dallas is coming out of the west im just going to pick them to lose in round 1 for no good reason, other than...
Golden State has won 6 of the last 7 including a sweep of the 3 games this year.
The Baron is healthy and after all I've been through with him he owes me this series.
Most importantly, the only thing bigger than Nellie's waistline is his disdain for Dallas and Mark Cuban. The old grizzly bear will be pulling out all stops in this series which could lead to some phenomenal old school Nellie meltdowns, he is the Lou Pinella of the NBA, I'm pumped.
Ok, lets fast forward to the conference finals and get to the special birthday wish!
Conference FInals
East- Chicago vs Cleveland
West - Phoenix vs Houston
NBA Finals - Phoenix vs Cleveland
2007 NBA Champions - Phoenix Suns
I'd like to wish a happy 46th birthday to Don Mattingly! The fact the Yankees blew a 4 run lead in the 8th inning against Boston on your birthday (with Mo Rivera on the hill no less) speaks volumes about your propensity for losing. Your resume both on the field - one playoff appearance, yanks win world series immediately after your retirement, wade boggs rides horse - and on the bench - arch rival red sox become first team to come back from 3-0 deficit to win a playoff series, wade boggs still a dick - displays a predanatural instinct for losing and I salute you.
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I guess you didn't get the memo that you shouldn't call anyone a loser if your team hasn't won a ring in over two decades.
Here's something all you Mets fans should enjoy...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CavRWYAH0QA
I especially like it when the guy in the background says, "I hope your plane crashes." Stay Classy, Queens.